Why you are Still Single and What to Do About It

 

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why you are still single

If you are still single, there may be one or more reasons. And you need to know them to help you either wait for the right time the right way, or make adjustments to attract your mate now.

The reason or cause of your singleness may be obvious to you, but sometimes, it is not. That’s because the desire for marriage can so cloud our view that we see things the way they are not.

The points I list in this post may not be exhaustive, but they should help you have a better grip on where you stand.

As you go through these possible causes, do not get condemned where you feel rebuked. See this as God asking you to work on the areas in which you aren’t doing so well. He loves you and wants only the best for you.

1. It’s not yet time

God is making more singles wait than they (or the society or sadly the church) are willing to accept. We have this mindset that marriage shouldn’t delay once a woman is biologically qualified.

I can’t imagine the number of Christian single women who get inundated with unsolicited yet unsettling advice on a daily basis. These pieces of advice may be right in their proper place, but on a general note, they’re unhelpful to most singles.

“Upgrade your wardrobe.”

“Approach a man.”

“Pray harder.”

“Repent of all secret sins.”

“Accept any man that comes to you.”

“Seek deliverance.”

With these approaches, many Christian single ladies find it hard to accept the waiting process. They allow doubt and fear to breed impatience, making them vulnerable to terrible mistakes in the choice of mate.

2. You’re not ready for marriage

This point can be hard to accept. For good reasons. At 24, 28, 30, above 30!, many singles believe they’re overripe for marriage. But being biologically ready for marriage is quite different from being ready for marriage. For its responsibilities and challenges.

“I’m born-again, serve in my church, and work a job. What else do I need to get married?”

God must be shaking His head when Christian singles reason this way.

Being born again is not a plane ticket to the land of the married. Age alone is not a qualification for marriage. You can be 40 and still a baby, still very childish, indisciplined, living a focus-less life that’s unattractive to most men…

Marriage preparation takes spiritual, emotional, psychological, and financial planning. A deficiency in one or more of these areas can cause you to remain single for much longer. Men who are serious about marriage will not want to settle with an immature lady.

This does not say every married person prepared. If they did, some ailing marriages and divorces would not be happening.

This is not also saying you have to be perfect to be prepared for marriage. But aim to attain the baseline.

You have an opportunity that many couples wish they had taken advantage of before marriage.

This point differs from God making you wait in the sense that it depends on you. God will not prepare you for marriage while you lay on the couch, bingeing on social media or TV.

As you pray for a godly mate, prepare for a good Christian marriage by cultivating godliness in your life right now and learning to be a good wife and mother.

Don’t wait to learn when you are already married.

3. You’re unattractive to the opposite sex.

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Very true. However, you can possess a ‘beauty’ that is ugly to most beholders and can cause you to remain single.

It’s hard to find physically ugly women today as almost everyone is taking their physical beauty seriously. If you’re neglecting your looks, oral and body hygiene, your prayers for a husband may not be answered, your search for a husband may yield no fruit. That mouth odor is probably pushing him away!

Although there are still men that don’t care how a woman looks, their numbers have diminished.

Don’t focus on physical beauty and forget to cultivate your inner beauty. It remains the most potent attraction you can possess as a single woman. Work on yourself.

Another area of beauty to highlight is psychological beauty. You may look as humble as a dove, walk like a snail that hurts no one. Still, if you have issues with low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, and depression, it will show up in your relationships.

Unless you get a strong man who sees beyond the surface and helps you to heal, these mental disorders will ruin your connection. How?

You would demand so much emotionally from the man that the strain would send him away. Or you may become vulnerable to abuse.

You must seek wholeness before you go into a romantic relationship. Every relationship, including the godliest, has challenges. If you’re not psychologically stable, your hidden issues will rise to the top and potentially ruin your relationship before it blossoms.

Different men are attracted by different things. As much as you should not pretend to be someone you’re not, do a self-evaluation, from the spiritual to the physical to the psychological. Work on those areas that need improvement.

4. You are desperate for marriage

When you want a husband with your tongue sticking out, you send off a stench. This is an unpleasant odor for the right guys, but exactly the right rotting smell that attracts flies to come feast on filth.

That’s why some desperate women never lack who to date and sleep with, but can’t get a man to commit to them in marriage.

Let desire for marriage cause you to prepare, pray, and ‘work’ as God leads you. Do not dishonor the Lord with fear, anxiety, and desperation. You’ll give room for your flesh and the devil to bring you mates that will cause you heartache or leave indelible scars in your soul.

5. You are putting God in a box

I believe singles should trust God to lead them to their partners. However, journeys to marriage are not the same. Do not expect to have an exact testimony with someone else.

“I’ll only marry someone from my church.”

Is that what God told you?

“My husband must come from a certain tribe or region.”

That’s your desire, not God’s. So stop putting Him in your box.

For some Christian married women, God ‘dropped their husbands from the sky’, and for others, He gave specific instructions on how to meet their Mr. Right.

You may be waiting on God to act while He is waiting for you to take a step.

You must understand how God wants you to go about getting a husband. Does He want you to make yourself available online? Or does He want you to wait patiently and let Him bring your paths to cross ‘effortlessly’ in His own time?

I’m not a fan of online dating, but I recommend it as a valid way to find a mate, if you’re not desperate but determine from the beginning to conduct the relationships according to biblical principles.

If you choose that route, go for reputable sites that have elaborate matching criteria. Such sites usually have expensive subscriptions. If you go for free or cheap sites, you may spend a lot of time unknowingly chatting with bots.

Also, only interact with men who have paid membership. No serious man in need of a wife would take up free membership on a dating site.

Remember to pray your way through the process because scammers and predators abound on dating sites.

6. Your ideal husband is too ideal.

I encourage you to have the picture of your ideal man. It keeps you from entertaining any Tom, Dick, and Harry that shows interest in you.

But don’t make your ideal man too ideal. We’re all imperfect humans. You’ve grown, you are growing as God continues to work on you. So see others that way. Give them the same grace God gives you daily.

 “I can’t marry a man that’s not as educated.”

“I don’t want a man that’s too educated or who already owns a personal house.”

“Etc.”

Are your expectations about the educational and financial status of the man you desire set by God or your flesh? You need answers to this! Don’t push away a godly mate by your own standards.

7. You are not following God

If your future husband is in the north, God’s path for you will likely lead to the north.

If you are bent on going south, you would either end up with a mismatch or remain single for much longer.

Following God doesn’t have to be about a big idea. It could be as little as changing town, church, or job. If God nudges you, move.

Many singles have some sense of direction from God, but they are too fearful to move, waiting on everything to fall into place, including marriage, before they can obey God. Sis, you’re only putting yourself in trouble when you exalt your wisdom above God’s instructions.

Have you discovered why you are still single? Are there other causes you think I should have mentioned? Please leave me a comment below.

 

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