Understanding why you are still single can help you wait for the right person or make necessary adjustments to attract your mate. Some of the reasons why you are still single can be beyond your control – in which case you can relax. But some can be within your control, and you need to do something about it.
Why You are Still Single
1. You haven’t met the right person
This is obvious. When you haven’t met someone that fits you, it is normal to remain single.
I don’t believe in soul mates as in only one man or woman fitting you, but I believe in divine matchmaking. Yes, God is concerned about who we marry. It takes Him time to bring two people together. You may need to wait longer until your path crosses with that of your mate.
If you’re sure God is making you wait, then you have to learn to wait the right way. God is making more singles wait than they (or the society or sadly the church) are willing to accept. We have this mindset that marriage shouldn’t delay once a woman is biologically qualified.
Christian single women who get inundated with unsolicited yet unsettling advice regularly. These pieces of advice may be right in their proper place, but on a general note, they’re unhelpful to most singles. If waiting on God is the reason why you are still single, you must stand up to this harassment from people who say things like:
“Upgrade your wardrobe.”
“Approach a man.”
“Repent of all secret sins.”
“Accept any man that comes to you.”
If waiting on God is the reason you’re still single, listening to people can make the waiting process very hard. Don’t allow doubt and fear to breed impatience. That can make you vulnerable to terrible mistakes about relationships.
2. You’re looking for a perfect mate
I saw a post on Facebook where a man listed about 20 qualities his future wife must possess. I doubt there is such a perfect woman.
It is good to have a picture of your ideal mate. It keeps you from entertaining any Tom, Dick, and Harry that crosses paths with you.
But it is wrong to make that ideal mate too ideal; it can cause you to remain single for long. We’re all imperfect humans. You’ve grown, you are growing as God continues to work on you. So see others that way. Give them the same grace God gives you daily.
“I can’t marry a someone that’s not as educated.”
“I want a virgin.”
These can be the reasons why you are still single. Are your expectations about the status of the man or woman you desire set by God or your flesh? You need answers to this! Don’t push away a godly mate by your own standards.
3. You are too rigid about how to get a mate
I believe singles should trust God to lead them to their partners. However, journeys to marriage are not the same. Do not expect to have an exact love story with someone else.
You may be waiting on God to act while He is waiting for you to take a step. People have found godly mates online. You can’t just stay indoors praying to get married, and then boom, God delivers your mate at your door.
I’m not a fan of online dating, but I recommend it as a valid way to find a mate, if you’re not desperate but determine from the beginning to conduct the relationships according to biblical principles.
If you choose that route, go for reputable sites that have elaborate matching criteria. Such sites usually have expensive subscriptions. If you go for free or cheap sites, you may spend a lot of time unknowingly chatting with bots.
Also, only interact with people who have paid membership. No man or woman serious about marriage will take up free membership on a dating site.
4. You are not following God
If your perfect fit is in the north, God’s path for you will likely lead to the north. If you are bent on going south, you would either end up with a mismatch or remain single for much longer.
Following God doesn’t have to be about a big idea. It could be as little as changing town, church, or job. If God nudges you, move.
Many singles have some sense of direction from God, but they are too fearful to move, waiting on everything to fall into place, including marriage, before they can obey God. If that’s you, you are putting yourself in trouble when you exalt your wisdom above God’s instructions. This can be a major reason why you are still single.
5. You’re not marriageable
This point can be hard to accept. For good reasons. At 24, 28, 30, above 30!, many singles believe they’re overripe for marriage. But being biologically ready for marriage is quite different from being ready for marriage. For its responsibilities and challenges.
“I’m born-again, serve in my church, and work a job. What else do I need to get married?”
Sorry, being born again, and attending church, is not a plane ticket to the land of the married. Age alone is not a qualification for marriage. You can be 40 and still a baby, still very childish, indisciplined, living a focus-less life that’s unattractive to the opposite sex.
Marriage preparation takes spiritual, emotional, psychological, and financial planning. A deficiency in one or more of these areas can be the reason why you’re still single.
This does not say every married person prepared. If they did, some ailing marriages and divorces would not be happening. This is not also saying you have to be perfect to be prepared for marriage. But aim to attain the baseline.
You need to ask yourself, honestly, if you would marry you if you were the opposite sex.
6. You’re unattractive to the opposite sex.
This seems kind of contradictory to the first point, but it is not. This is also similar to point 5, but slightly different. While point 5 focuses mostly on internal qualities, this point emphasizes physical and psychological beauty.
They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Very true. However, you can possess a ‘beauty’ that is ugly to most beholders and it can be the reason why you’re still single.
It’s hard to find physically ugly persons today as almost everyone is taking their physical beauty seriously. If you’re neglecting your looks, oral and body hygiene, your prayers for a husband or wife may not be answered. That mouth odor is probably pushing your mate away! Although there are still persons that don’t care how a man or woman looks, their numbers have diminished.
But don’t focus on physical beauty and forget to cultivate your inner beauty. It remains the most potent attraction you can possess as a single woman. Work on yourself.
Another area of beauty to highlight is psychological beauty. You may be physically attractive, but if you have issues with low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, and depression, it will show up in your relationships.
Unless you get a strong man or woman who sees beyond the surface and helps you to heal, these mental disorders will ruin your relationship. You would demand so much emotionally from your partner that the strain would send them away. Or you may become vulnerable to abuse.
You must seek wholeness before you go into a romantic relationship. Every relationship, including the godliest, has challenges. If you’re not psychologically stable, your hidden issues will rise to the top and potentially ruin your relationship before it blossoms.
Different men and women are attracted by different things. As much as you should not pretend to be someone you’re not. Evaluate yourself, from the spiritual to the physical to the psychological, then ork on those areas that need improvement.
7. You are desperate for marriage
This goes especially for the women. When you want a husband with your tongue sticking out, you send off a stench. This is an unpleasant odor for the right guys, but exactly the right rotting smell that attracts flies to come feast on filth.
That’s why some desperate women never lack who to date and sleep with, but can’t get a man to commit to them in marriage.
Let desire for marriage cause you to prepare, pray, and ‘work’ as God leads you. Do not dishonor the Lord with fear, anxiety, and desperation. You’ll give room for your flesh and the devil to bring you mates that will cause you heartache or leave indelible scars in your soul.
Have you discovered why you are still single? Are there other causes you think I should have mentioned? Please leave me a comment below.