As part of a series of offshoot articles on advice for Christian single women, this post explores the reasons why Christian single ladies stay in bad relationships.
From my personal experience as a single and from being around many single women, I’ve seen some of these reasons and bad relationships hurt Christian single ladies in more ways than words can paint. There are many Christian single women staying in relationships for the wrong reasons.
In this context, a bad relationship is one that does not add value to your life, spiritually and otherwise. It is a relationship that takes more from you than what it offers. It is that relationship that makes you feel more frustration than peace.
I know how difficult it can be for a single woman to let go of such a relationship. So I encourage you to love yourself enough to walk out of any relationship that doesn’t draw you closer to God and that doesn’t make you a better person.
Related: 10 Main Characteristics of a Godly Dating Relationship
Some of these reasons are not bad in their place. It is the fact that Christian single girls use these excuses to tolerate and stay in bad relationships that makes them bad.
Why Christian single ladies stay in bad relationships
“God told me to marry him.”
This was the one for me. I saw and heard things that unsettled my heart and raised questions in my mind, yet I tolerated the relationship because ‘God told me the guy was my future husband.’
Yes, God can show you who to marry, but you need to be careful because you can mistake another voice for God’s voice. There are voices that mimic the voice of God, so when you believe that God is talking to you about marrying someone, don’t lose your brain. Rather, test that word from God by dating or courting with an open mind. Be observant, be prayerful, and don’t cling to a relationship like your life depended on it.
God will not lead you into a relationship that steals your joy and peace. God will not give you a mate who doesn’t value you. God will not bring a man your way who thinks they’re doing you a favor by wanting to marry you. A godly Christian dating relationship involves mutual respect, love, and esteem for each other.
This is one excuse Christian single girls use to ignore red flags. Unconditional love then becomes the reason to turn a blind eye to abuse or the lack of godliness in their boyfriend.
Christian dating relationships should have both unconditional love and conditional loyalty. And it is worth noting that both should have nothing to do with how you ‘feel’ about the man.
Unconditional love helps you to bear the man’s flaws –because we’re all imperfect— while conditional loyalty helps you to walk out when you find out that the relationship isn’t right for you.
Walking out of a relationship is not a sign of not loving someone. Love him enough to let him know that his abuse, his disrespect for you, his sloppy attitude will not be tolerated by you.
“But I love him!”
No, you don’t love him. You love you and can’t stand letting him go even when the relationship is hurting you more than it is blessing you. You are insecure and unhappy being single (link to living single) and so need the validation from relationships to boost your self-esteem.
Relationships are not to be one-sided. If you ‘love him’ and he doesn’t love you, if he treats you like a piece of rag, it is an unhealthy relationship.
Remember the common saying? “If he treats you now like dung while you’re still dating, he’ll treat you worse when you get married.” Marriage is not rosy as many of us singles love to fantasize.
“I might not find someone else.”
Fear, that’s it. As Christians, we’re to be led by the Spirit of God, not by fear. Fear doesn’t tell you the truth, it only magnifies a lie and pushes you to mistakes that will leave scars that might take forever to heal.
Even if you might not find someone else, staying single is better than the scars of a broken marriage. You don’t even know what consequences might come from choosing a mate based solely on your belief and fear of not finding someone else.
“My parents and friends want me to get married.”
Pressure is one of the challenges of singleness. It is normal for singles to face pressure from their peers, friends, church, and society. But it is wrong to let that pressure be the reason you date someone. It is wrong to let that pressure cause you to tolerate and stay in a bad relationship.
Remember, it’s not your friends or parents that will live with the guy. You will face the pain of that bad relationship more than whoever caused you to tolerate it. Live your life for God, not for people.
“He’s my baby daddy.”
Some single women get born again after they’ve had a kid or kids out of wedlock. Many of them struggle with insecurity, low self-esteem, and the challenges of single parenthood. So it’s usually a wonderful thing when the ex and baby daddy comes around, wanting marriage. But that’s not a good enough reason for you to accept him.
He must possess the qualities of a godly man. Your baby needs a godly father, not just a biological father. Many single mothers have found such godly men in persons other than their baby daddies.
Read Also: Characteristics of a Godly Man
Christian single women stay in bad relationships to fill a need for a man in their life. Unfortunately, the relationships hurt them more than it fills that need, and many only realize it after incurring deep scars. The time to walk away from such relationships is now. It may not be easy, but once you’ve decided on it, don’t look back. Trust God to bring a godly man your way. You are the Daughter of the King!