When all your friends are getting married and you’re still single, not even engaged or in a relationship, it can be a difficult place and season. The good news is that you can learn to deal with the reality in ways that not only keep you from developing a low self-worth and making terrible mistakes, but also make your life fruitful even as you wait for marriage.
When my best friend was getting married, I was going through a painful breakup, one of the darkest moments of my life. From the dressing room to the church where she said her vows, I felt sad, not because I wasn’t happy for my friend, but because her wedding made my breakup, and indirectly my singleness, a painful pill to swallow.
Years later, the second and third friend from our group of four also got married, making me the only single in the circle. Two of my friends now have kids and I’m still as single as ever.
Thank God my sadness only ended with the first friend due to the circumstances I was going through. With my friends married, I didn’t and don’t feel alone or left behind because my friends are some awesome Christian women who still respect me. At least, to my face, they haven’t told me I’m less blessed than them. I also made new friends with some awesome single sisters who encourage me not only in spiritual matters, but also in the pursuit of my purpose and dreams.
Knowing how to cope when all your friends are getting married and you’re still single is very vital to your survival as a single. If you are not careful, this is the season to make decisions that can mar the rest of your life.
One big temptation is to want to be in a relationship so badly you don’t take the time to screen your prospects. In such situations your mind is not healthy for such a life-changing step.
What to do When all Your Friends are Getting Married
There are both dos and don’ts, things you should do and things you shouldn’t do. Practicing all of these will not take away your struggles with singleness and the desire to get married. So this is not to say ‘forget about marriage, deny you love to be married.’
Except for a tiny fraction of singles who are called to be single for life, every single person longs to be married. Marriage is a need, not just a want. But simply because it is a need, you shouldn’t seek to fulfill it anyhow just because your friends are all getting married. https://videopress.com/embed/sE5KjfxZ?controls=0&preloadContent=metadata&hd=1 VIDEO: What to do when all your friends are getting married
These tips and guidelines serve to ensure that you are contented even during this waiting season. When you are contented as a single, you stand a better chance of making informed decisions about who to marry.
When all your friends are getting married:
- Don’t rush into a relationship because you also want to get married. Desperation and panic usually lead to regret. Take time to develop healthy relationships. Do not lower your self-worth.
- Don’t get angry with God because you’re still single. God is for you, not against you. You’re still the blessed of the Lord; his beloved child.
- Don’t keep away from your married friends. You can learn about and prepare for marriage through their experiences. My best friend later told me, twice, that marriage doesn’t bring fulfillment. That was telling for me, because she’s happily married. Marriage has its own benefits, but ultimate fulfillment in life, she said, is being who God created you to be, whether married or single.
- Rejoice with your friends. Celebrate their new phase of live
- Believe that your turn will come. Your friends’ turns came, yours will come.
- Exercise patience to counter the pressures of a single life. This external pressure can come in the form of fears concerning your age, societal expectations, depression, feeling abandoned, low self-esteem, etc.
- Find out why you are still single. Is there a hindrance on your part? Or is God making you wait for your mate?
- Reassess and redefine your beliefs about life and marriage. Is your life ALL about getting married and having kids? Surely there are things God would want you to focus on during this season, whether you’re dating or merely waiting.
- Create new friendships with other singles. There is comfort in numbers. Join singles’ groups and ministries in your church or online.
- Find a singles-friendly church if your church is hostile to singles. It is very sad that we have churches that are not conducive for single people. Churches that mock singleness or see singles as fair game for jokes are not the place for you. Churches that ask you to give money so the pastor can prophesy your marriage are singles-hostile churches. You cannot be in such environment and be a happy single.
- Pursue your passion, build yourself, enjoy life and the opportunities it presents to you.
- Draw closer to God. I served this last because I needed to clear out the other points. When your friends are all getting married and you’re still single, it can be a time to get angry with God and move away from Him. That would only hurt you. If there’s a time to build your spiritual life, it is now. Let the challenges and struggle of singleness pull you into intimacy with God.
Bible Verses to Hold onto When all Your Friends are Getting Married and you Feel Left Behind
These verses are not an exhaustive list. All scripture is taken from the KJV of the Holy Bible
Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Psalms 37:4: Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Isaiah 26:3: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
Philippians 4:6-7: Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
1 Corinthians 7:32: But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
1 Thessalonians 5:18: In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
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When all your friends are getting married, you have a choice: Either feel left behind and become desperate or rejoice with your friends and prepare for your turn.