How to Heal From a Painful Quickly
I suffered a painful breakup many years ago. As tears ran down my recently blossomed cheeks, it felt like my life had ended. Literally. It hurt so much to see my dreams of a happily ever with this guy dashed against the rocks of life by circumstances I couldn’t control.
For the first time in a long time, my life seemed to have no purpose and no direction. From day to day I lived in a dark hole with my companions Regret, Depression, and Despair. A highly successful pity party, where only the fear of hell restrained me from doing something stupid to myself.
A painful breakup can be one of the hardest places to be. I plastered fake smiles on my face in public, but in private I was a withered vegetable. I had one or two persons I could confide in, and none lived near me, so I wallowed in my pain for months. When I prayed, it was more of complaining and begging God to bring the guy back.
Then one day, the lights turned on in the dark room of my pity party. Abandoning my grim companions, I chose to heal. I could let go of the past I couldn’t change to embrace the future I could shape through intentional actions and decisions.
I could accept my mistakes and benefit from the experience. Yes, a painful breakup can have its benefits. I wouldn’t be what I am today without that breakup. Honestly. I don’t believe God caused it, but I thank him for the hard lessons I learned.
If I were to suffer another heartbreak today, I wouldn’t take that long to heal. I now know enough to walk away from the pain as fast as possible.
How to Heal from a painful breakup quickly
Know that painful breakup is not the end of life.
One reason breakup is painful is that we exaggerate our understanding and response to it. Our minds are so blinded by dark clouds that we rarely believe the sun will shine again.
That man or that woman that walked away is not the reason you live. They are not God. They didn’t give you a life, so why should their walking away be the end of it?
That pain you feel at the moment, years from now, you would laugh at it. Believe me, you will laugh at it. You will wonder why you thought your world had crumbled because someone refused to stay in your life.
Understand why the breakup hurts.
Breakups should be painful, right? But why? Just why are you grieving? Think about it for a moment.
If you look at your pain squarely, at the root of it is just self-pity, self-centeredness. You do not really grieve for the man or woman who walked away as much as you grieve for your jilted self.
I’ve seen people who when they can take off their eyes from self and look at their broken relationship, they’re able to say, “She wasn’t even a good fit. He wasn’t my suitable mate.” And that’s not like the case of the fox and sour grapes.
For those who don’t get it, the Fox and Sour Grapes is a parable of a fox who wanted some grapes from a very tall tree. After jumping up many times, the fox could never reach those grapes. To sooth his disappointment, he walked away, saying, “Sour grapes!”
That’s not always the case of those recovering from a breakup when they can look squarely at what caused them heartbreak. Some breakups are a blessing.
I’m not saying grief is bad. In fact, grief is necessary for your healing from a painful breakup. But self-pity is bad, destructive, unhelpful. It blinds you to reality and stops you from healing. It stops you from assessing the situation, so you don’t learn the lessons a heartbreak should teach you.
When you don’t learn from life’s bitter experiences, you repeat them.Tweet
Grieve the right way
If the breakup is painful, it is painful. You shouldn’t pretend about it. Burying or ignoring your pain only worsens it. Release the pain and get relieved.
But how do you release it without resorting to self-destructive tendencies?
One scripture passage that stuck with me is Philippians 4:4. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
I used to think it means never to admit any negative emotion. That is not only untrue, but it is also unhealthy. Even the Bible also says, “Be angry… and sin not.” Ephesians 4:26. See, it’s a command J.
We can acknowledge what we feel without sinning, without letting it hurt us or other people.
Cast your pain on the Lord (1 Peter 5:7). Express your pain. Tell him how lost, confused, or whatever that you feel.
One thing I found out about expressing my heart to God in that way is that I receive peace after the prayer. Sometimes, God gives me a scripture, or he speaks to my spirit.
That doesn’t happen if I go on bashing God, blaming him for my pain, or asking for a return of whatever I’ve lost.
Pouring out your heart to God clears the fog from your mind and gives you a new perspective.
That doesn’t always mean the feeling of loss will instantly disappear. It can, but it might also take a while for your body to align with your mind.
Occupy yourself and leave little room for self-pity
A painful breakup will be more painful if all you do is want to be alone so you can mourn the life you’ve missed with that man or that woman.
There are a thousand and one things you can do to occupy yourself. Friends, books, hobbies, movies, physical exercise, new recipes, helping someone out…
Accept the relationship’s mistakes, if any.
When a relationship breaks, it can either be the fault of the person who walked away or the fault of the jilted partner. Or both.
You must point out those mistakes. If it’s you, accept it. Yes, a-c-c-e-p-t it. People don’t have to stay in our lives if we’re toxic, or unprepared to walk with them in their life’s journey.
We must accept that sometimes people walk into our lives when we’re not prepared to have the blessing that they’re supposed to be. Life is too short for us to expect other people to love and accept us “the way we are.” They have their race to run, and if you’re not ready for their pace, they leave you behind. Nothing wrong.
Accepting your mistakes helps you become a better person. By accept here, I mean you decide to do something about it, so you don’t carry those same mistakes over into the next relationship.
The same goes for your ex’s mistakes. Don’t swallow the responsibility if the person who walked away caused the breakup. That way you learn to be more cautious when you meet the next guy or girl.
Forgive your ex.
You read it right. Forgiving the person who walked away from your love can be hard, but it’s necessary for your own healing. Don’t let someone who is no longer a part of your life rent space in that life. They’re gone, probably enjoying their life. Forgive, release. Even say it aloud, “Ex, I forgive you.”
To wrap up
The pain from a breakup does not have to last long until time alone heals your heartbreak. You can hasten the healing process.