Does God show people their spouses? Will God tell you who to marry? What role does God play in your choice of mate?
In God told me he was going to be my husband I talked basically on the unfortunate circumstances that arise with the issue of “God told me they are the one for me.”
But I realized that there was a need for another article to counter another extreme.
Extremes exist in almost everything, and the solution to one extreme is not another extreme.
Because of the high frequency of failed “words from God” about marrying someone, some have adopted the stance on the issue which says God cannot and will never tell you who to marry. That it is all up to you to go about looking for a mate.
I believe that stance hurts the amazingly wonderful testimonies of those whom it is evident God spoke to them and led them to their spouses. And there are many of such testimonies.
Just because some experience failure doesn’t mean others do not register genuine success.
God is our Father. And his Fatherly heart will not be happy seeing us make fatal mistakes. He guides, he leads.
He tells us to ask for wisdom where we lack it, and he promises to give liberally, without grudging.
I believe you can and should expect God’s leading and guidance as you seek a wife or husband. As a Christian, you should not go into a relationship without seeking to know God’s mind concerning it.
Only, do not seek to have an exact experience with someone else. You are unique – the way God leads me may be different from the way he leads you.
You can and should ask God for guidance. You can pray God to expose the heart of that person to you as you get to know them more.
But remember that guidance in romantic relationships is usually clouded by our emotions, reason why it is unwise to be quick in concluding God has said this or that, or clinging to a supposed word from God in the face of roadblocks and red flags.
If you are in a relationship and your heart harbors reservations, for whatever reasons, do not ignore it. There’s high probability that’s the voice of God. If the person’s behavior causes serious concern, do not ignore it. God’s guidance is not some vague feeling, a thought or a voice that doesn’t align with the realities at hand.
Lastly, if you have waited and waited and waited, and the person you are waiting for is not coming to you, please move on with your life. This kind of scenario is recounted mostly by females. They ‘hear’ God tell them about a particular guy, but the guy is not coming around soon. So they keep waiting. And praying!
I do not recommend waiting, putting a part of your life on hold while waiting for someone God has revealed is yours. But in some cases, some have been made to wait, and the person finally came. I am not their judge. If God made them wait, that is very okay. It depends on where you are in your relationship with God.
But if you have waited long and the person has not come, stop rejecting the ones interested in you. I don’t know why God would make his child wait for five, seven or ten years, waiting for the other person to come to them.
It can be agonizing seeing the person ‘God has told you is the one for you’, and praying for them to make the first move or to reciprocate your love, yet they are not doing so.
I do not believe that when God created you, he also created your counterpart of the opposite sex, someone you were ordained to marry; someone you are inescapably bound to marry.
I have seen cases where someone believes their spouse is not the one God ordained for them, and they are ready to divorce and go marry the God-ordained one.
The increase in the cases of divorce and remarriage for unbiblical reasons among Christians today has made some not to take their marriage vows seriously. They can divorce and remarry for any reason, including ‘marrying the God-ordained one you had missed’.
Knowing the voice of God through intimacy with Him
For a Single seeking to hear God tell them who to marry, you must also seek to walk in closer intimacy with him so you can learn to hear and differentiate God’s voice from other voices.
Closer intimacy helps give you God’s perspective in life, it helps you understand the path God wants you to take in life and it also helps you understand the kind of mate you want. Two cannot walk together without agreement.
There should be in your heart, the kind of mate you desire. That’s what you should be concerned with, not who the particular person is.
So I’m saying God can tell you who to marry. Personally I believe it’s the best way of getting your spouse, as dangerous as some may consider it to be. It’s a thing of guidance, keeping you from making fatal mistakes, keeping you from experiencing painful breakups.
But I’m also saying, God’s leading is not a hallucination, a voice, a vision or revelation that you cling to while playing the ostrich, with your head buried in the sand.
I believed in God leading you to the right person, right from the time I got born again, but yes, I experienced failure. And I learnt.
You can ascertain the will of God, you can ‘examine’ what you are ‘hearing’ by looking at the present circumstances in your relationship, by not exalting a ‘conviction’ above the person’s character and attitude towards you.
The churches need to do a better job in teaching singles to prioritize seeking God and seeking to do things the way he would want them to do. I can’t help but feel disappointed when I see in some circles today singlehood being treated as an inferior life and the single is pressured to get married – to whosoever. It doesn’t matter, as long as they are married.
It should be in church circles that singles are taught the values of dignity, integrity, healthy self-esteem and intimate relationship with God, instead of being made fun of or given the world’s methods of dating.
I remember an incident. It could have been my first, or one of my very first days in the youth meeting after my born-again experience. The lesson was on dating, and I remember asking a question: Can’t we just trust God to lead us to the right person?
In my mind, I didn’t mean just lazying around and hoping that no matter what we do, God is just going to lead us to that one we were ordained for. So don’t get me wrong. I just felt like there was something better than what was being taught.
The answer was nothing short from what a worldly person would give.
‘Seeking a mate is like going to buy a pair of shoes from a shoe shop. There are many shoes. How would you know the one that fits you if you don’t try them on? Try one, if it doesn’t fit, you try the next. Try and try until you get the one that fits’, as the guy in this other story does!
The difference is that human hearts are not inanimate shoes. Humans have emotions, and they get hurt when they are dumped for the next pair of human shoes. As such, you have pairs of shoes in churches who harbor resentment or who don’t talk to each other because of the hurt from those experiences.
God will tell you who to marry
He that is willing to be led of God will find his guidance available. The more you commit yourself to the Lord, the more he reveals his plan for you, including who to marry.
I wish I can give you a step by step approach. But the secret lies in your relationship with the Lord. It’s not a formula. Let him lead you.
A word about commitment to God
It is not uncommon to find single persons busy for God, because, they want a wife or husband. It becomes a bargain. You serve God, and then he rewards you with a spouse.
That is no commitment, for it has strings attached. If God doesn’t fulfill his part of the bargain on time, disappointment sets in. Some Singles then leave the church and start living in sin. They get married to people who are not Christians.
You can’t put God in a box.
Commitment to God is simply because He is God. When you decided to become a Christian, that was a decision to adhere to God’s standards and to live for him.
Dedication to him is about the whole of your life so committed to following him at any cost that you find your contentment in him alone.
Marriage comes, but not as a bargain with God. Commitment to God gives you an added advantage because in committing your life to godly principles, you avoid many unfortunate experiences common to Singles.
God can and will tell you who to marry. Seek him.